Shame

This really is turning into a kind of confessional for me. Today has gone wrong, after resisting the urge to eat sweets I went and ate chocolate!! The daft thing is, where everyone sensible will avoid temptation at all cost I go looking for it!! I wander the chocolate and biscuit aisles pretending to be one of those average people who does NOT eat an entire packet in one sitting. Shame.
There is only one thing I can do, I need to get back to the gym. I need to re-acquaint myself with those gorgeous dumbbells. They are my friends and I do love them, it's myself I don't like. I hate the fact that I can't eat healthily and exercise separately. If that didn't make sense what I mean is unless I have been to the gym I struggle to eat properly, I'm a real all or nothing girl.

I sick of this attitude I have and the fact I am moaning all the time! Oh, I'm fat, oh, I'm unfit blah blah blah - it's my own fault! I look at thin women on TV and in the street and get excited because I know one day I will get there, but the way I am going I'm just making it harder for myself. It's almost as if thinking about it is good enough, which it isn't!! My weight effects me too much for me to mess about, tonight for example I have been invited out but I don't want to go and feel fat around all the lovely slim girls I will be surrounded by.

It's time to take life in a positive direction, and a lighter one!

Almost Successful

Well I successfully managed to resist the choccie biccies at work today....but ate about a million sweets instead - definately not the most healthly option! Not sure what was up with me, I felt really tired and needed sugar and the liquorice allsorts just called my name. At least I haven't had cake, chocloate or biscuits!! So my month of sacrifice still stands.

I ache to be healthy, fit, slim and strong so I can't explain why I keep self sabotaging! If I keep having these 'last day to crap' days I'm going to be 200lb in no time. Then I definately will not leave the house. I know what I want, I know what I have to do to acheive it, so the only thing I can think that is holding me back is a fear of failing. Which is really ridiculous?! If I try and lose weight at an incredibly slow pace it will be a million times better than me not trying and gaining 1lb a day. Which I know I am fully capable of. I wish I had Jillian Micheals with me everyday to kick my butt!

She also has the body I would love to have. But that is going to take time to acheive!! I must try, try and try again.