Things not going according to plan.....

.....in fact they can't be going more wrong. Doughnuts are currently in complete control of my life!!! Nooooo!!! This is not good - I can feel my waist expanding everyday :( I said no more binges, but I have!! Quite bad ones. Why! Why! Why!
It's time to refocus. Collect myself mentally and physically. Time to decide what I want to achieve. I think if I write down my aims then that will make them more real and increase my motivation.
Ultimate goals:

• reach goal weight - 9 st 4 lb
• reach body-fat of 20%
• complete a triathlon
• run a half marathon (Great North Run)

I think these will be plenty to be going on with. The reason I have a weight goal and a body fat goal is so I have another way of tracking my progress. If I reach 20% body fat (I can dream) before I get to my goal weight I won't stress so much about those last pounds. Of course inches is also another good way to track progress.

Even though I was not going to put pressure on myself to lose weight by a specific time, ideally I would like the majority of my lard to be blitzed by next summer, mainly because I hope to either go travelling or work as a courier/rep over summer. Neither of which I want to be fat for. Also, next October it is my best friends wedding, which I am Maid of Honour/Chief Bridesmaid - which ever you prefer, so I REALLY don't want to be fat for that!! I have to lose at least 6 inches on my waist for my dress to even fit - though I am hoping it will need to be taken in!! Again, I can dream and I shall because many who dare - win!

In order to fight this binge problem I have I am going choose not to eat chocolate, cakes and biscuits for ONE month. One month is nothing so I have no excuse not to be able to do - I do it every lent! For some reason I find that easier then any other time of the year. Strange. With that in mind I will not have a big binge today on the eve of yet another attempt at weight loss. Here we go! Again!

One nil to the dumbells

It was a triumphant day for the dumbells!! Long let that continue. It is looking good, as I have just watched Strictly Come Dancing, whilst enjoying a 2 finger kit kat without wanting to eat the entire pack at the sight of all the beautiful dancers - I can't tell you the last time I actually had one biscuit or one chocolate bar without it resulting in a binge session. A positive day then!

I went to the gym around midday, which I always prefer on a Saturday because its nice and quiet, and I got the weight area all to myself :) This of course was the human weight area, not the super-human weight area which is located at the over end with no carpet. The noises that come from there sometimes sound how I imagine child birth might sound! I wonder how many of the men would claim to have an idea of how such an act would feel?? Though today I did see a woman go into the non-carpeted area and I thought - you go girl! Doing it for the rest of us! One aim I have is to have the strength and the confidence to enter the sacred area and use the squat cage. Aaah....dare to dream.

I stumbled across The Biggest Loser Australia on SkyRealLives today - an entire weeks worth!! I was in heaven! I wish I could go to a house, workout all day for about 3 months and return home a different person. Especially if I was in Australia! Plus I love Jillian Micheals, the way she just says it how it is. I'd love to be trained by her. I have followed her radio show for well over a year too, picking up all kinds of tips for optimum health (taken a while to put them into practice eh?) but now it has vanished!! She said she was taking a break from radio - then nothing.....boo. So I get my fix on SkyRealLives - they always play The Biggest Loser, Australia and USA - love it!

Anyway so thats about all I did today.

It was muesli for breakfast, turkey and wholemeal roll for lunch, and turkey and mushroom stir fry for tea. Snacks consisted of an apple and a Trek flapjack (if you haven't tried one, you must - yummy!) and for supper was a special k bar and a 2 finger kit kat, not the healthiest supper, but my calories for the day come in at 1402. Water totalled 2.5 litres.

I hope tomorrow I can report a similar story.

It's now or never!

I have been in this position far too many times, I'm sure many can relate to. You aren't happy with yourself so you try to lose weight, you hit an obstacle, fall off the wagon, gain the weight back, then gain more because you feel like a failure. For me its a fairly regular thing...I am an expert when its comes to overeating. Sneaking food at work, getting through a big back of sweets on my 5 min drive home, even secretly eating entire packs of doughnuts whilst watching tv with my dad in the living room. If he notices, he doesn't say, which dissappoints me. This, of course, feels very shameful and is something I must overcome.
I sit here, writing this up, feeling rather excited about what I can acheive. If I focus. For once I have relieved myself of any pressure to lose weight quickly, as after having tried to rush the process for the past 20 months has resulted in me becoming fatter - not the desired outcome.
So I intend to just attend the gym 3 times a week doing my beloved weights (I do actually love weight training and dumbells hehe) along with cardio, which will include running, cycling etc and I must stick to my calorie allowance. My allowance will only be set to lose a pound a week, which sounds to me like it will take forever!! BUT! If I am consistent with a pound a week, whilst re-training my mind with a healthier lifestyle then it will still be quicker (and more permament) than my attempts over the last 20 months. So it's all good!
I'm going to weigh on tuesdays before I go to college. These next few months will be even more interesting with studying making diet control even more challenging! Bring it on!
I'm sure I will be letting off plenty of steam about all aspects of life in general in this blog to any lovely web people out there who stumble over my ramblings! Okay, I better get some sleep now, I anticipate tomorrow will be a productive day.